“It’s not what I want…” I said, more to myself than to her. I still hesitate whether how to make her feeling better. Finally I held her arms, like the way I used to touch her long time ago. Her body was shaking, as cold as an ice. Her whole body seems too cold for me, but I didn’t care. The way she reacted makes me hurt. Why can’t she treat me like THAT night? When we spent time and I just let those times go like that. She hates me, which is the only reason I could think of.
I put my head next to her ear and whispered, “Please… Don’t ever hate me.” She still as calm as a cloud, I wonder what she thinks when I said that. “I… can’t bear everything.” My voice now was shaking, begging her to give her heart back to me.
I can’t help myself to get closer to her. I let out my hand and put it around her neck, locking it in front of her chest. I smelt and kissed her hair. The same scent I remembered, except that now, it smells more mouthwatering and softer than ever. I forgot how it feels to be around her, my passion through all the temptation.
This is the problem, our forbidden love. We should have not fall for each other. We were from different part of the world. However, I’d known how much we craved for each other. How we’d been raving each other name. I knew that she might just got over me now that I’d let her go, by being cold and act as a stranger in front of her. However yet, the more she showed that she didn’t care the more I want her. The more I got jealous of everything she did. She seemed having fun more than me, she seemed survive without me. Can you tell me how, girl? I could just die knowing that I have to stop loving you.
I turned her around, before I let my jealousy get over myself, I want to appreciate the bouquet I have. I observed her totality. Her brown-skin. Her curly-hair. Her rosy lips that just gets sweeter as ever every time she kisses me, another temptation. She held closed her eyes; still drops of tears fell down on her cheek. Now I started to wonder. Why was she crying? How much could my existence hurting her? Was that because everything I’d done or because I was here making her angry?
My hand was shaking as I touched her face, hesitating. I traced her face, from her eyes to her lips. Then softly erased her tears from her cheeks. I made her face drowned inside my palm. Feeling her skin as much as I possibly can.
Suddenly she put her right hand on top of mine. Her movement showed as if she likes the closeness of my touch. I miss her movement and the way she reacts to this kind of simple things.
Suddenly I can’t help it. I just want to lock her close to me, make her my prisoner.
“I’m sorry,” I muttered low and heavy.
She looked up to me and in flash my lips touched her tender soft lips. I locked her lips between my lips and yet she did the same thing. The contacts burned my lips. Her lips are sweeter than anything I could ever taste.
In this charming and hypnotizing closeness, I don’t want to let her go. She’s everything for me, yet this must be our last kiss. I couldn’t look around; I couldn’t even remember where did we do it. All I remembered is that I can’t stop all this passion that I have for her. Her body is just a bouquet that I appreciate so much, and everything in her smells like a flower. Mouthwatering.
I put my hand around her, she’s my prisoner and none can take her away from me. In my hug, I make sure she couldn’t fight back against all this temptation. I’m scared that she’ll be mad at me for all these things I did, however I don’t want to lose any chance or time, if this is our last kiss.
Suddenly, she put her hand on my chest and pushed me away from my unbreakable hug.
I was aware for any slap that she might give me for my rudeness. Instead she laughed. I look at her closely. I missed her laugh like this. As if watching an angel fills with happiness.
“I can’t breath,” she muttered, still laughing. I looked at her in confuse. However she’s just weird and funny, the thing I really like from her. I smiled to her in a naughty way.
“I’m sorry, but I like it when I know I could kill you,” I whispered to her so that she could feel my breath.
Then lightly I kissed her lips again. As if tasting a heroin, I had addicted to everything in her. Still holding her I said, “I’m so sorry,” I need to tell her what I feel before I forgot. I almost had forgotten where and what had we done as the world turn blurry and I couldn’t see anything or anyone but her. “I shouldn’t have to be…”
“Shush…” she whispered. She put her finger on my lips. The touch was soft and cold. “Shut up, handsome…” she kissed my cheek then.
“Okay…” I said and I blushed. This is what she used to do to me last time, when I can’t stop talk, exactly when I nervous, when I keep saying all the same thing all over again, without intention or conclusion.
I held her again and put my lips next to her ears, “I…” I whispered, finishing the sentence. Her tears fall down warmly and touch my blouse. I know she was smiling, and she held me tighter than ever.
The wind blew slowly as the time passes. We sat down there and laughed. I still remember how last time we could call each other for hours at night only to talk about nonsense. Something I’d been dreaming for, something I’d been craving for. Her voice, only let out for me.
“Promise??” She laughed, telling me about all those secrets of people she hates. “You swear?” She showed me her pinky, trying to make me do the pinky swears. Something that reminds me of our last pinkies swear.
When we were both in the park. She was sitting down on the bench next to the basketball court. I used to be so shy and embarrassed around her, especially when people around. She was kind of mad at me that day. I’d been making her upset for the whole time we ever together. In radius a metre, I dare not to look at her, apologizing for what I had done. I’d been shy for people to see us together. So I told her I promise that I would spend the whole last day of school with her before I moved. As always, she never trusted me and there she was, showing me her pinky and made me promise. Though in the end, it turns out that I didn’t even spent a minute together with her on the last day. Yet the cuddle we had on her birthday seemed to payback all these regrets.
I put my pinky around hers and do the pinky swear as I said something that I’d been promising all this time. “Who will I promise more than the one I love?”
That was the usual sentence I said to her every time I promised her something, and this always give me some kind of strength to keep the secrets she told me.
I looked at her deeply, her eyes started to cover with tears. She could cry anytime by now/ “Please don’t cry,” I said, almost begging. I didn’t know why I suddenly didn’t brave enough to hold her. Maybe because she reminded me of the last relationship we had, all the memories that happened again like some kind of deja vu. I hold tight both her shoulder, the usual thing I did to her when I’m scared to touch her.
Suddenly she laughed in her tears. “I’m okay…” She muttered.
Her head now was on my lap, she had fell asleep. I looked at her, the girl I love the most, the girl of my life. I caressed her skin and felt her long smooth shiny black curly hair. I played with it and put it into small tingle, and I keep whispered, “don’t ever go.”
Sometimes I keep remembered the last time I rejected her harshly. When she was exactly sleeping deeply like this, but I promised myself, I won’t do this again to her. Not now, not later, not forever. I could see from my watch that time I had to go will be here in no time. My phone vibrated, however I didn’t care.
She opened her eyes and her cheeks started to blush, she looks surprise looking at me here, while I had just stared at her in a blank expression. I’m hypnotized with her aura.
“You still here?” Her voice sounded surprise and sarcastic in the same time.
I got what she meant. She still remembered when I left her. I laughed and said, “Will always be.”
“…” She kept silent, watching me. There’s a confuse mix feeling in her eyes, I could see that.
I looked at her and said, “I always around you, protecting you. Whether I’m there or not, I would always keep an eye on you, promise.” This is my last promise to her long time ago.
She hold me close suddenly, I was surprised yet exited and surprised. I hold her waist and pulling her closer to me. I whispered what I had whispered to her. We moved away, and then like a spark, we just locked each other lips. Kissing passionately.
Suddenly my phone vibrated again. I had to go. I know that. However I didn’t want to let her go. She held me close for the last time and whispered sweetly in my ear. “Go! Nothing will change, and I will never can hate you.”
Her last words echoed in my head. “Never can hate you”. I smiled and felt the pure bliss.
I held her gaze while walking backward, away from her. I didn’t want to let her go out of my sight. I smiled for the last time, and she smiled back. Smile that I will not forget. I turned around and run, before all of them killed me when I got back.
I felt tears fell down on my cheek, and then I laughed. Best day, I thought. I smiled widely, and think about her.
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