You are the Best Thing in My Life (Girl Version) : Second Meeting...

“It’s not what I want…” He said, holding both my arms with his hands after hesitating. I stuck in the place where I stood; I’ve forgotten when was the last time he holds me suddenly like this. My heart beat fast. I never realized I would see him this fast, after a night we spent last time. I didn’t want to see his face. I’m scared that my betraying tears will fell and broke my defense. I didn’t want him to know I’m crying. He deserves better than me.

“Please… Don’t ever hate me.” His voice whispered next to my ear, shaking. “I… can’t bear everything”

I kept silent. His hands now slowly moved around my neck, hanged in front of my chest. Smelling the scent of my hair, as if trying to remember, how it was smell last time.

I still stood there, as stiff as a stone. With him, next to me, holding me, I didn’t know what to do. Should I run away? We both know this forbidden love couldn’t stand much longer, but we’d been craving for each other and raving each other name. You and me, belong to be together. If he ever stops loving me, I might torn apart and bleed to death. I’ve loved him so much that it hurts.

He turned me around to face him. I didn’t even realize my tears had fall down on my cheek. I still put my head down; I can’t bear seeing neither his face nor his hypnotizing eyes.

Slowly he dragged my chin up, watching me with his usual indescribable expression, the one that make me wonder what he thinks, what he wants, and made me observe him for hours while he was holding my gaze. I hold and closed my eyes, kept still. I didn’t want any regretting for his mean attitude that might come later on. My tears still fell down; my heart just hurts so badly. Was it because he was here, where I want him to be… or was it because I know that he wouldn’t stay here for long? I don’t know.

His hand was shaking as his finger slowly touched my face. Hesitating, his fingers caressed each curve of my face, and softly erased my tears on my cheeks. I shivered; I’ve forgotten how his touches feel. Start with a hesitation; end with softness.

He drowned my cheek in his palm, feeling my skin as much as possible. Finally I couldn’t stand much longer, the temptation was so strong, his passion and his affection next to me. I put my right hand on top of his. Feeling the closeness of his touch. I’ve missed him so much that I have forgotten how it feels.

“I’m sorry,” he muttered. I wasn’t sure what he said; it was so low and heavy. I looked up to him, as I wonder whether he would say it again. Then his face came closer in just a flash, his soft lips touch my lips. Locking it between his lips.

Again I drowned in his hypnotizing closeness. In his passion, that had turn into my temptation. I could feel how sweet his tongue could be when he kissed me. As if nothing else existed. We’re drowning in the world of our own. His hands now locked me safely in his unbreakable hug. My hands seemed didn’t want to lose and soon enough had been caressing his cheeks, his hair, and face. Both of us seemed didn’t want to let go, this might be our real last time kiss; I love how his scent make me blur and crazy.

Finally I put my hand on his chest and push him away right when I felt it’s enough. I laughed, looking at him. His hypnotizing eyes, his soft white skin, and his spike-y black hair. I couldn’t observe him more. He’s just getting more perfect as I observed him more. “I can’t breath,” I muttered.

He looked blurring before he smiled. “I’m sorry, but I like it when I know I could kill you,” Then lightly he kissed me again.

“I’m so sorry,” he said to me, still holding me close in his hug, seemed to forget what we’d been doing. “I shouldn’t have to be…”

“Shush…” I whispered. Holding my finger to his lips. When he was nervous like this, he wouldn’t stop saying all the things all over again. Beside I didn’t want him to ruin this moment by making me crying again. Let this tingle connection hang somewhere, soon if I have time, I promise I’ll straighten it again.

“Shut up, handsome…” I whispered as I kissed his cheek. He used to be as tall as me, and kissing his cheek didn’t need me to get up so high like now.

“Okay…” His voice muttered, blushing. Then he held me again and whispered something in my ear that made my tears fell down warmly. I hold him tighter and promise myself not to let him go away from my heart ever again.

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We sat down and started to talk about all kind of bullshit and pushing our lucks. The kind of bluff I miss from him. The kind of laughed I miss from him.

“Promise??” I asked him, while laughing. “You swear?” I showed him my pinky finger to make him promise me.

He made a pinky swear and sweetly reminding me, “Whom would I promise more than the one I love?”

I kept silent. Astonished by his voice when he said that. It’s been a long time he never promised or said such a word to me. Now that we didn’t have any kind of commitment, I never expected he would say such a word to me. I almost crying again when he said that, he could find out that I’m going to cry again.

“Please don’t cry,” he said, touching both my shoulders, panic. The same thing he did when we just made this sweet connection. I laughed.

“I’m okay…”

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I found myself waking up by a vibration near my head. I opened my eyes. What had happened to me? Soon I realized I woke up on his lap. His hand caressed my hair, and made it into small-small tingle. His face was on top of me watching me full of love.

He smiled, figured out I woke up. I got up and found myself blushing. I’d never expected he would still be here, stay with me. I thought that he would just gone, living me alone like he had done.

“You still here?” My voice sounded surprise and sarcastic in the same time.

“Will always be.” He laughed to his own joke.

“…” I kept silent and watching him.

“I always around you, protecting you. Whether I’m there or not, I would always keep an eye on you, promise.” The same exact word again. I didn’t know what to say.

I hold him close, he touched my waist and hold me back, again whispering something. As we separated, both of us slowly get closer and again kiss each other passionately. Locking each other lips.

His phone vibrated. I know what was that mean. He had to go. I held him for the last time, and whispered on his ear. “Go! Nothing will change, and I will never can hate you.”

He smiled and pleased with my words.

He walked backward, away from me, still holding my gaze. His lips turned into a small curve, before he finally run.

I let my tears fell down as I smiled. Nothing will change the ways we felt, I’m sure.

You are the Best Thing in My Life (Boy Version) : Second Meeting...

I looked at her from the back. Her shoulder moved up and down, I knew she’d tried to fight back her tears. She didn’t want to look at me. What kind of boy am I? Hurting the girl of my life?
“It’s not what I want…” I said, more to myself than to her. I still hesitate whether how to make her feeling better. Finally I held her arms, like the way I used to touch her long time ago. Her body was shaking, as cold as an ice. Her whole body seems too cold for me, but I didn’t care. The way she reacted makes me hurt. Why can’t she treat me like THAT night? When we spent time and I just let those times go like that. She hates me, which is the only reason I could think of.
I put my head next to her ear and whispered, “Please… Don’t ever hate me.” She still as calm as a cloud, I wonder what she thinks when I said that. “I… can’t bear everything.” My voice now was shaking, begging her to give her heart back to me.
I can’t help myself to get closer to her. I let out my hand and put it around her neck, locking it in front of her chest. I smelt and kissed her hair. The same scent I remembered, except that now, it smells more mouthwatering and softer than ever. I forgot how it feels to be around her, my passion through all the temptation.
This is the problem, our forbidden love. We should have not fall for each other. We were from different part of the world. However, I’d known how much we craved for each other. How we’d been raving each other name. I knew that she might just got over me now that I’d let her go, by being cold and act as a stranger in front of her. However yet, the more she showed that she didn’t care the more I want her. The more I got jealous of everything she did. She seemed having fun more than me, she seemed survive without me. Can you tell me how, girl? I could just die knowing that I have to stop loving you.
I turned her around, before I let my jealousy get over myself, I want to appreciate the bouquet I have. I observed her totality. Her brown-skin. Her curly-hair. Her rosy lips that just gets sweeter as ever every time she kisses me, another temptation. She held closed her eyes; still drops of tears fell down on her cheek. Now I started to wonder. Why was she crying? How much could my existence hurting her? Was that because everything I’d done or because I was here making her angry?
My hand was shaking as I touched her face, hesitating. I traced her face, from her eyes to her lips. Then softly erased her tears from her cheeks. I made her face drowned inside my palm. Feeling her skin as much as I possibly can.
Suddenly she put her right hand on top of mine. Her movement showed as if she likes the closeness of my touch. I miss her movement and the way she reacts to this kind of simple things.
Suddenly I can’t help it. I just want to lock her close to me, make her my prisoner.
“I’m sorry,” I muttered low and heavy.
She looked up to me and in flash my lips touched her tender soft lips. I locked her lips between my lips and yet she did the same thing. The contacts burned my lips. Her lips are sweeter than anything I could ever taste.
In this charming and hypnotizing closeness, I don’t want to let her go. She’s everything for me, yet this must be our last kiss. I couldn’t look around; I couldn’t even remember where did we do it. All I remembered is that I can’t stop all this passion that I have for her. Her body is just a bouquet that I appreciate so much, and everything in her smells like a flower. Mouthwatering.
I put my hand around her, she’s my prisoner and none can take her away from me. In my hug, I make sure she couldn’t fight back against all this temptation. I’m scared that she’ll be mad at me for all these things I did, however I don’t want to lose any chance or time, if this is our last kiss.
Suddenly, she put her hand on my chest and pushed me away from my unbreakable hug.
I was aware for any slap that she might give me for my rudeness. Instead she laughed. I look at her closely. I missed her laugh like this. As if watching an angel fills with happiness.
“I can’t breath,” she muttered, still laughing. I looked at her in confuse. However she’s just weird and funny, the thing I really like from her. I smiled to her in a naughty way.
“I’m sorry, but I like it when I know I could kill you,” I whispered to her so that she could feel my breath.
Then lightly I kissed her lips again. As if tasting a heroin, I had addicted to everything in her. Still holding her I said, “I’m so sorry,” I need to tell her what I feel before I forgot. I almost had forgotten where and what had we done as the world turn blurry and I couldn’t see anything or anyone but her. “I shouldn’t have to be…”
“Shush…” she whispered. She put her finger on my lips. The touch was soft and cold. “Shut up, handsome…” she kissed my cheek then.
“Okay…” I said and I blushed. This is what she used to do to me last time, when I can’t stop talk, exactly when I nervous, when I keep saying all the same thing all over again, without intention or conclusion.
I held her again and put my lips next to her ears, “I…” I whispered, finishing the sentence. Her tears fall down warmly and touch my blouse. I know she was smiling, and she held me tighter than ever.

The wind blew slowly as the time passes. We sat down there and laughed. I still remember how last time we could call each other for hours at night only to talk about nonsense. Something I’d been dreaming for, something I’d been craving for. Her voice, only let out for me.
“Promise??” She laughed, telling me about all those secrets of people she hates. “You swear?” She showed me her pinky, trying to make me do the pinky swears. Something that reminds me of our last pinkies swear.
When we were both in the park. She was sitting down on the bench next to the basketball court. I used to be so shy and embarrassed around her, especially when people around. She was kind of mad at me that day. I’d been making her upset for the whole time we ever together. In radius a metre, I dare not to look at her, apologizing for what I had done. I’d been shy for people to see us together. So I told her I promise that I would spend the whole last day of school with her before I moved. As always, she never trusted me and there she was, showing me her pinky and made me promise. Though in the end, it turns out that I didn’t even spent a minute together with her on the last day. Yet the cuddle we had on her birthday seemed to payback all these regrets.
I put my pinky around hers and do the pinky swear as I said something that I’d been promising all this time. “Who will I promise more than the one I love?”
That was the usual sentence I said to her every time I promised her something, and this always give me some kind of strength to keep the secrets she told me.
I looked at her deeply, her eyes started to cover with tears. She could cry anytime by now/ “Please don’t cry,” I said, almost begging. I didn’t know why I suddenly didn’t brave enough to hold her. Maybe because she reminded me of the last relationship we had, all the memories that happened again like some kind of deja vu. I hold tight both her shoulder, the usual thing I did to her when I’m scared to touch her.
Suddenly she laughed in her tears. “I’m okay…” She muttered.

Her head now was on my lap, she had fell asleep. I looked at her, the girl I love the most, the girl of my life. I caressed her skin and felt her long smooth shiny black curly hair. I played with it and put it into small tingle, and I keep whispered, “don’t ever go.”
Sometimes I keep remembered the last time I rejected her harshly. When she was exactly sleeping deeply like this, but I promised myself, I won’t do this again to her. Not now, not later, not forever. I could see from my watch that time I had to go will be here in no time. My phone vibrated, however I didn’t care.
She opened her eyes and her cheeks started to blush, she looks surprise looking at me here, while I had just stared at her in a blank expression. I’m hypnotized with her aura.
“You still here?” Her voice sounded surprise and sarcastic in the same time.
I got what she meant. She still remembered when I left her. I laughed and said, “Will always be.”
“…” She kept silent, watching me. There’s a confuse mix feeling in her eyes, I could see that.
I looked at her and said, “I always around you, protecting you. Whether I’m there or not, I would always keep an eye on you, promise.” This is my last promise to her long time ago.
She hold me close suddenly, I was surprised yet exited and surprised. I hold her waist and pulling her closer to me. I whispered what I had whispered to her. We moved away, and then like a spark, we just locked each other lips. Kissing passionately.
Suddenly my phone vibrated again. I had to go. I know that. However I didn’t want to let her go. She held me close for the last time and whispered sweetly in my ear. “Go! Nothing will change, and I will never can hate you.”
Her last words echoed in my head. “Never can hate you”. I smiled and felt the pure bliss.
I held her gaze while walking backward, away from her. I didn’t want to let her go out of my sight. I smiled for the last time, and she smiled back. Smile that I will not forget. I turned around and run, before all of them killed me when I got back.
I felt tears fell down on my cheek, and then I laughed. Best day, I thought. I smiled widely, and think about her.

You are the Best Thing in My Life (G.V)

I’ve never slept this deep. This was the most luxurious bed I’ve ever slept on. The white blanket that covered my legs until my waist felt like a ball of clouds covering me. The soft mattress massaged my back and my head drowned on the smoothness of pillow-sheet.

Suddenly I heard a voice of doors creaked. The door was now surely opened. Though I was not sure whether it was just my dream or real. Now I heard a little boy’s voice. Convincing? Being sarcastic? I was not sure. The tone was calm but you could hear how he tried to humiliate. How you could feel annoyed only by listening to the tone. I know the voice; it was someone that ‘he’ had introduced me few months ago.

I turned around, acting unconsciously. The blanket opened, my legs could feel the coldness of a night air. However now, I could not hear anyone voice. Now I was sure I just imagining things.

Suddenly, there’s someone sit down on the bed, next to me. I kept quite. Who could that be?

But then I heard a steadiness of breath that I had known better than anyone. Could it be him? I felt my waist touched by a hand contact. The slowness. The hesitation. The same touch as I remembered. I couldn’t wait for more.

However, the person stood up and there’s a short silence. I’ve got to take a move. I hold his wrist and brave myself to open my eyes.

There he was, standing, letting our eyes met. His black hair now had been cut into a new style, but the same edge as I remember. His face hasn’t changed, except that his expression looked older and mature. He got taller and his body now showed more shape. He really had got into his teenager world. I let myself astonished by him. By his existence and everything in him.

I didn’t want to lose him, before he’d ever gone away for the second time from me. I sat up and pulled him close to me. Let my lips touched his lips deeply. This will be our first kiss, and I wanted it to be unforgettable. His mouth. His tongue. Everything I had been craving for. Everything he has, to be mine for the last time.

I caressed his cheeks. The same skin I know. The softness. The smoothness. His white skin astonishing me, just like the first time. I could smell the same scent. He started sweating nervously while our lips still touching, however I never care. That’s what I like from him. His black straight hair was simple and shining on the yellow light. I let my hand hanged around his neck, while his lips still in my mouth.

He touched my waist and feeling my body for a while before he pushed me away fast. I fell down on the bed. No, don’t go….

I whispered.

He had now stuck on his place. I sat up and carefully pulled him into the bed next to me. Our eyes still met. His eyes are the best things I could ever see. I looked at his body shape. His chest. His neck. I put my head down on his chest. The same feeling I felt when he’d hold me for the first time. I felt like heaven. It’s better than anything just him, by my side. I came closer at him, our legs touched. I could felt his heavy breath and his fast heartbeat. Something I’ve done before. He moved surprisingly. I wonder what will he do.

His arms moved around me and hold me tight. Keeping me safe. Finally we could be this close. I let my hand felt the shape of his chest before drown into a deep sleep and this had to end.

In the morning I was awake by a movement. When he pushed me away from his chest. I turned to face him and kissed his lips slowly and gently this time. The contact burned my lips. I smiled. “Morning, koala.” I said as I observed his face and laughed for a while with my own joke, calling him koala. He used to hate it when I call him that, so I smiled and whispered, “Sorry”.

He sat up on the bed, turning back without looking at me. I sat up spontaneously. Almost touching his back when he firmly said, “Good bye, this will be the last time we ever met. I’m sorry,”

He stood up to go.

“No… No… NO!!!” my head screams. I hold his wrist, but he pushed it away. I stood up on the bed and hold his chest from the back. Harshly he pushed me until I fell hard on the bed, I wanted to stop him. However this is the best for both of us. But he should make it as soft as possible. NOT LIKE THIS…

He went and slammed the door. I scream calling his name.

My tears fell down. No… No… No…. I’m not ready. Please….

I fell asleep in the end.

You are the Best Thing in My Life (B.V)

I walked through the corridor I’ve never seen before. I opened one of the doors that seem familiar to me. The first thing I saw was a girl, sleeping deeply on a luxurious bed. A thick soft blanket covered her legs. She slept looking at the contrary, but I already know who she is. I kept silent. My whole body felt numb. She looked like an angel from heaven wearing that little pink satin sleep dress. I found myself astonished and I turn to walk away.

However I found my little brother standing next to me. He looked at me closely.

“She’s hot.”

I looked back at him then turn back to look at her. Who would not fall for her? Especially when she sleeps. Her black curly hair’s messing around on the pillow and her breath is as steady as a clock.

“It’s unfair for you to treat her like that, you know.” He continued. “It’s only hurt her more. You’ll regret it.”

I turned at him. Now I’m mad. I did it for reason! And it’s a good one! She has to forget me. I will only waste her time. She’s everything for me, and she should have must be happy without me!

However he’d gone, while she unconsciously turned around facing me.

Now I can see her clearly. Her face is as calm as the clouds, pure and innocent. Her eyes, her lips, her skin made me astonished. Her expression showed as if she was sleeping in heaven. A blanket that had hid her legs now opened, I could see her slender perfect legs lying gracefully side by side. Her little dress had almost shown most of her body.

I found myself blushed. I can’t help myself to get closer. I sit down looking at her, and let my hand almost touching her waist. I don’t want to be anywhere but by her side when she sleeps like this. I want to hold her in my arm like I’ve done before, kiss her rosy lips in the morning and wish her a happy new day for both her and me.

I pushed my imagination away, and stood up. No, it can’t be like this. I walk away slowly, hesitated. I turned around to look her again, but then I cancelled my plan. I ran, however, she hold my wrist. Her beautiful eyes opened, looking at me innocently as she sit up.

It was a long awkward moment before she pulled me close to her and kissed my lips deeply. The first and last kiss I ever get from her. I let myself drown in her charming closeness. I enjoyed every moment her part of mouth touched my lips. Wet, sweet and nice. Temptation. Her hand moved from my cheeks to my hair before they hanged around my neck. My hand touched her waist after hesitating. I could feel each curve of her body shape. Then I pushed her away when I realized shouldn’t have done this!

I turned and rejected her. However she looked at me sadly, “Don’t go,” she whispered. She pulled and lied me down on the bed next to her. I couldn’t move. I already astonished. Her big eyes were sparkling as they innocently astonishing me. My eyes can’t move away from her face. She’s the most beautiful creature I have ever seen and known.

Then she put her head on my chest, and feeling my whole body. I finally put my arms around her and hold her tight. Our legs are touching, but she likes it. In fact she comes closer to me, and I could heard how heavy her breath on top of my chest. Her heartbeat was fast; it never felt this close to me, I felt her heart was made up for my second heart. If I can, I want to be like this forever, it feels better than I expected. It was the best night I ever have; however if the morning comes, this will has to end.

I heard my watch beeping. Morning comes. I want to kiss her good morning, but I shouldn’t make her feel sad more than enough.

I observed her totality for the last time. Her face showed as if she’s in heaven. She’s been sleeping while smiling this whole night! Her head was moving intimately on my chest as if she enjoyed being in my arms. Her brownish-yellow skin shined in yellow lamp. Her legs moved gracefully between my legs.

Before I regret leaving her, I pushed her away from my chest and she woke up. Her smooth lips touched my lips like a flash, kissing my lips gently and slowly.

“Morning, koala.” She smiled then laughed lightly to her own joke. “Sorry,” She whispered still looking at me.

I sat on the edge of the bed and turn back. Firmly I said, “Good bye, this will be the last time we ever met. I’m sorry,”

I stood up and walk away. She tried to stop me, but I pushed her away harshly. I closed the door and listening to her crying. She screams calling my names until she fell asleep;
before I hurt myself and hesitate, I left her forever.

"...I Want You to Know That I'm Glad..."

It’s been months. If I used to find myself craving for her voice and her existence, now I survive. She lives happier than ever I expect. I still could imagine her smile and her laugh most of the time.
Even in Friendster, she changed her picture where she had fun at school, laughing and bluffing with her friends. I over her, I’d forgot about her.

My first day in my new school turned out great. With my socializing skill, in few days I’d make friends. Also, there were some students from my old school that had made my life easier there.
Compare to my old school that was cheaper, this new school is way bigger and better. Field, corridors and lockers are something I’d forgotten how it feels to use it. Many students are from different countries compare to my old school that was made up of mostly Koreans and Maldivians. This new school made up of Chinese from different countries and people from other countries in Europe, Africa, and America.
What I like the most is many Chinese girls study here. They are not just Chinese girls; they are what I usually call attractive. These girls made me forgot about her, although she is incomparable, I easily distracted myself.

In Friendster, I hardly typed her name in search engine anymore. I spent my time playing whole time for hours. If usually I typed all about her in my shoutout, and change describing me with what I feel about her, I leave it blank. Instead I wrote: MY NEW SCHOOL IS A JOYFUL PLACE TO BE.

She had gone out of my life.

Few weeks ago she asked me some simple questions that I hardly want to answer. In fact I almost didn’t reply, some reasons because I really into the new online game I play. It seems like a green lamp that I want to forget about her.

Last week, I visited her school. I actually was looking forward to see her. I’m so scared she’ll hate me. I want to know how she is; I want to know what I feel. Instead I felt glad not to see her because she was absent, there was a disappointing feeling, but mostly I was glad.

On the bottom line, it feels as if she never existed, and I feel glad.
In friendster, she asked me whether I went to her school, I checked that she is actually still connect with my little brother, and many other things that I still could survive with.
Now, she is just a girl I hardly know about whom I call my friend.
After my last visit, Andy, my frienemy, who lived near my old school, had been visiting few times a week when the new school had holiday. He was her close friend online. Sometimes I do wonder how is she, but later on I feel why do I have to care?

A lot lately, around this week, he keeps telling me how she still likes me; how she hasn’t forgotten about me.
Yet the same excuse or maybe I should say reason, I threw at him.
“I’m not there anymore. She should forget about me.”
And yet I know it’s true.

So last night, Andy told me that he was talking to her online few hours before talking about me. He told her about this fat girl who had been stalking me a lot lately. I didn’t really know what I felt; I just wonder how she reacts to that.
I didn’t even feel a thing.
He said she was laughing; yet I could imagine her laughed.
And again, Andy told me that he tried to tell her to forget about me. However she doesn’t want to. How more headstrong and dumb could she be? I’d moved on, can’t she see?

Again I told Andy through my messenger,

"Andy, tell her to forget about me. Can’t she see I had moved on? O.o"

“Sure. =/”

It was just a few minutes I found another chat window pop-up.
I was speechless yet I didn’t know what I feel. It’s just numb, only to see her name and picture, and what she had typed.

“I know you're not going to answer this, and I don’t mind...
But u have no right to make Andy told me to 4get about you.
You have right to forget bout me, but my feeling is my own.
You have no right for that.”

My heart thumped. How long it had been from the last time I feel this kind of feeling? I had forgotten how it feels to be guilty, to be hurts. Because I had hurt someone I should not have hurt.
What should I do to make her forget about me? What should I do to make her put her mind in the right place?
By now, she should have seen that I don’t care about her. In fact, I don’t care about anything and anyone but myself. However why can’t I stop caring about her?
Because I know, I used to try my best to make her liking me and falling for me. To make her can’t stop thinking about me.
Now, I do not know how to make her stop liking me; to make her stop thinking about me. The ropes are rolling down to fast from its fulcrum that even friction can’t stop it.
After few dots we sent to each other in that conversation, I can’t stop making myself to think, ‘she never likes me’. She’s the best choice, the best asset I could ever have. She changed my life and most importantly for the very first time make me realized that life is not just my own. She choose to put her life inside my life, she had make me think, that I should care not just about myself. And I started to care about her. Now that she’s not here anymore, I had forgot how to care not just about myself.
This love hurts me that I feel glad I could be separated from this love. I kept thinking, how is this love could be so hurting?

“You never have feeling for me anyways,”

I typed.
Whatever she feels, she shouldn’t have denied that.

“You try to manipulate me… that won’t work for me...
I do like you no matter what.
And stop blaming stuff on me just because I keep saying all these are my faults.
I don’t mind you tell me you don’t like me or whatever."

“…
But”

“But you have no right for my own feeling."

She cut my sentence off.

Why can’t she stop doing this? It hurts to know that she should have forgotten about me. It hurts to know she suffered because of me. It hurts to know that it was my fault to make her stop liking me. Can’t she stop that?

Slowly, I typed.

“You still like me
…
Don’t”

Do I have to beg to make her forget about me? What do I have to do to make her stop having feeling for me? I don’t want her to suffer because of me. Can’t she understand that? Please. Forget me. Start new beginning like I do. Can’t she do that?

“If I were you, I’ll stop liking me.”

“If you were me,
You’re not me.”

I just laughed. No wonder she’s the best and smartest in class. She knows what to say; she knows how to turn this conversation around. What does she want from me?
She typed,

“I already know the answer that you forget me completely… and I don’t mind.”

Sometimes I just want to type, “YES, I ALREADY FORGET ABOUT YOU!”, so that she would forget about me.
But I don’t want her to be sad; I don’t want her to cry. I don’t want her to suffered more after I had done.

“….
Not exactly
I’m just trying to move forward and don’t look back.
And start a new beginning.
But remember I promise you.
That when I broke up
We will still be friends.”

For the first time, I could type what I feel. What she wants to know, what I had hide. And what I had typed is the only promise I could ever keep.
Of all promise I told her, none of it I can’t keep, and I don’t want to break another one. Something that I wished I could do. This is the only promise that I know inside of me I WANT TO KEEP. I must, and the only promise that reminds me of her. The promise I don’t want to break, because this is also what I want.

“I know u never see me as you friend... I don’t want you to just tell everyone I’m your friend.
I want u to treat me like one…”

Yet I’m speechless. Am I that bad to her? I know I’m scared to like her again, and I see the line we’re not together. How do I have to treat her like a friend? I don’t know.

“I should have never said yes to u, though I like u”

“Your choice”

I typed.


She regretted everything. I know she does. Yet it hurts me to know she regrets. I don’t regret being with her. I never do, never will.

“Yes… and I’d been regretting it if I know that how weird you will react after we broke up.”

Weird? Now she calls me weird? Why would she ever be with me if I am weird then? Huh? I started to get pissed.

“Now you call me weird?”

“You’d been running away from me…
I’d never mean to call u that.
Anyway I always wonder what is your problem wit that word because I used it to call myself??
and why we always argue every time we chatted?
All this questions are just going around my head!!!”

She’s right. I always get pissed around her. I always do. I am always being rude in front of her. I just keep imagining her with someone else, and I can’t take it anymore. However I have no idea why we always argue?

“...
Well,
I don’t know”

She typed what had happened to her at school. How she suffered now that everyone talking about us. Yet, I don’t know why I think this is just her plan to make me suffer. She knows how she meant for me and her plot wouldn’t work for me.
I signed out. Leave the messenger close the window. How rude can I be more?
It hurts me, but I don’t think this hurt her more than it hurts me. However, if ever imagine her, crying or suffering because of me. It hurts me more than ever.
She’s strong, I know, that is why she can type all those things to me. However in the inside, I could see that she’s really weepy and could cry any time. She’s been crying in front of me, yet I never know what to do. How is this tingle connection problem always bothering me?

Every time her name comes, all I could ever imagine was our last meeting. When we cuddled for 3 hours, feeling each other heartbeat, caress each other skin.
3 hours imagining I could just grasped her and kiss her. 3 hours imagining I could do this with her everyday if we ever get married. 3 hours feeling awesome to feel the way her movement make my mind blur.
3 hours. Ending up with a big hug, and a kiss on my cheek. Then her sweet voice said, “bye” to me.

2 months 5 days I had promised her a lot of things, yet I broke it. I lied to her 8 times and had been going, until I feel hurts if I ever have to count again.
All the promise I told her that I should have done by now. As far as I could go, only one promise I could keep; yet I can’t. Try to keep still friends with her.
I promise her that I would miss her forever, I promise her that I would still keep an eye on her though I moved already, I promise her that I love her forever, I promise her to kiss her before she ever kiss me and I promise her to never forgot about her.

Yet now I stand, in a new school, searching for the next girlfriend that I could love as much as I ever love her.
Yet now I stand, trying to forget about her, trying to never care about her as if she never exist in my life. Never missing her ever since many girls come to my life, and do not want to know what happen to her in my old school. And I’m regretting yet glad never kiss her.

Forever is over, in here.

Last night, I dreamt her on top of chest like last time, cuddling with me for another hours. I really want to just hug her tight never let go, and do all those things I had promised to her. Yet I can’t.